So you say the world sucks……

….and you need a laugh? Here’s one:

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, why the long face?”

And the horse says, “I’ve just realized I’m a metaphysical construct within a fictional narrative, and I will cease to exist at the end of this sentence.”

And now you say the world still sucks and you need another joke? One’s not enough? Is that what’s troubling you, bunky? Well then, here’s another, you needy thing:

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, you don’t have your mask on!”

The horse replies “Sadly, it doesn’t fit!”

The bartender says, “Why? The long face?”

And now, because you’ve been SUCH a wonderful audience, here’s a third story, (and, btw, with credits for all three to upjokes.com):

A horse walks into a bar, and says to the bartender,  “A right triangle with sides x, y, and z where x and z are perpendicular; which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender thinks for a minute then says, “Y, the long face?”

Thank you very much! We’ll be here all week!

On another upbeat note, we again congratulate our youngest grandson, who just turned five years old! Asked what he is going to be when he is just a few years older, he suggests, “Maybe a fireman. Or Spiderman. Or maybe a fireman who really IS Spiderman!”

If that’s what he wants, I want it for him, too, and I hope he gets it. But I suspect a few of you are like me. No, not wishing for that kinder, simpler world where we could just wish a become firemen or Spidermen or (as does my grandson) both at once. Rather, maybe like you, I would like to get the living hell away from here, “here” being our nasty, overly critical world primarily populated by partisan politicians, and yes that last phrase is something for you to repeat five times without stopping. There will be a drawing at the end of the evening for one lucky winner. I hope you’ve kept your ticket.

I also share that over the last few weeks Irene and I have each come through an operation; hers certainly more serious and difficult than mine but mine maybe more interesting because of its impact on behavior, sleep and on the fly population.

“Say what?” you ask. “Flies?” No worries, and let me explain all, starting with Irene. Less than a week ago Irene had a full knee replacement, the next evolutionary step for good-looking gals who have had five knee ‘scopes and now want something to enable them to get back to playing competitive pickleball ASAP. (And hey, at our age, how patient can we afford to be?) Anyway, it was of course a very painful operation, but this afternoon, still less than a week since she was cut, Irene and I walked up and down the block a bit. She is somewhat slower than me right now, as she has to use a walker for the moment, but by next week she will again be smoking me in the neighborhood 2Ks. You go, girl. You rock my world, so rock on!

So, that’s enough about her, and now let’s talk about me. Three weeks ago I had an Inspire unit implanted in my chest. This is a pacemaker-sized device which, once in placed in my chest, was then hard-wired to a nerve connection under my tongue with one lead, and to my diaphragm with its other lead. I turn the device on and off through a wireless remote and, when it’s engaged at night, it senses when I am breathing in and at that moment sends a stimulation to the underside of my tongue. This in turn encourages my tongue to flick part of the way forward in my mouth, and mainly prevents my tongue from flopping back into my throat, where it greatly exacerbates my sleep apnea.

Many of you I know also have sleep apnea, and you should pay attention to the next part. This device replaces those miserable CPAP machines entirely, allowing me to simply turn it on at bedtime and go to sleep. In the morning it shuts itself off (or I shut it off if I’m up early). So far it seems to me it’s working pretty well; I’m waking up fewer times during the night and don’t feel quite so much like I’m dragging myself around during the day. Think one of The Living Dead but with a few hours more rest. Not perfect, but certainly better.

But Irene has already broken the Inspire unit’s code, and has taken to following me around the house holding the remote, sporadically activating the device so I can tongue the flies off her windows.

I’m happy to help, and am always looking for extra protein, but I’m here to say I’m only allowing her to do this for a little while as she deserves to have something to make her happy, and once her leg heals completely, I’m taking over the remote again.

Hoping all of you are enjoying great weather as we are? Drop us a line and let us know, and do chime in if there’s something you’d enjoy seeing us write about. We occasionally do requests.